Fishing Stories & Tall Tales

This board is for fishing stories. I assume that it will be a believe it or not kinda thing. The stories do not have to be true but they should at least be entertaining.


Post Message FAQ BFN Home Page Edit Profile User Profiles BFN Links Page Articles BFN Hats

Fishing Reports Boats And Motors Boats for Sale Swap & Sell Open Topics
North Bibb Picture Posts Fishing Stories & Tall Tales Fishing Tactics Electric Boats  

Subject: #2117: worried

Submitted by ablecross (64.30.63.162) from VERMONT on 9/19/06 08:20:23 am:

I'm beginning to get a little worried,,have'nt heard from you in awhile Jack Brannon,,,,,,,ablecross


  1. 9/23/06 5:13:16 pm Jack Brannon (63.117.4.123) from WEST VIRGINIA says Why I haven't been in contact.

    Things have been really hectic around here for the last several months. I planted my garden and have been really busy trying to keep the weeds down to a jungle. Then when I finally got the weeds under control my watermelons started to ripen and that is a first rate job trying to harvest them. I had my team of horses hooked up to a wagon to haul out the first ripe one and had to cross a small revine. Well, that wagon dropped into a hole, the watermelon slid off the wagon and burst open, and both horses drowned in the watermelon juice.That was a pretty good sized melon.

    My potatoes weren't as big as my melons, but weren't too bad, nonetheless. I had to dig them with a backhoe and load them on the wagon with an endloader. I have to teach my wife to operate a chainsaw so she can peel and slice the darned things.

    I don't think I will grow a garden next year. A garden that grows vegetables this big just robs me of too much quality fishing time.


  2. 9/29/06 6:18:06 pm ablecross (64.30.60.196) from VERMONT says glad & sad

    first of all,,glad your ok,,2nd of all,,sad to hear about your horses,,and when I get the tears wiped out of my eyes from laughing,,I finish this,,I missed your sence of humor,,one more thing,,never teach a woman to operate a chain saw,,remember what happened in Texas,,so be careful not to make her mad at you,,anyway,,,glad to hear from you,,,,ablecross


  3. 9/29/06 11:55:55 pm Jack Brannon (63.117.4.190) from WEST VIRGINIA says I guess you are right about teaching my wife

    to operate a chainsaw. In fact, it is too dangerous to have her even help me. I asked her once to help me drill a hole with a starbit. In case you don't know what that is, it's a hand-held drill that one holds while rapping it with a large hammer to drill a hole in concrete.

    I told my wife I would hold the drill and when I nodded my head, to hit it as hard as she could with the sledge hammer. Well, I woke up in the hospital three days later with a fractured skull. I guess I should have made sure she understood what it was she was supposed to hit, eh?


  4. 10/23/06 6:26:07 pm ablecross (64.30.60.110) from VERMONT says mistake #2

    Oh I know what a star bit is,,my Uncle used to work at the Lime kilns,,I've held plenty of them,,just not for any of my wives,,Never put yourself in a positon where a woman can come down on you with a sledge hammer,or any other blunt object,,I'm sure your wife is a wonderful person,,but you know what happens when oppertunity knocks,,usaly a woman answers the door,,


  5. 11/04/06 12:07:28 am Jack Brannon (63.117.4.160) from WEST VIRGINIA says Dear Wife

    I must admit that my wife hides her emotions very well. When I awoke in the hospital I could tell she was really sorry that she had hit me with the sledge. I could also tell that the grin she had on her face was all a coverup to hide her true feelings. I could tell too how much nerve it took for her to offer to help me finish drilling the hole as soon as I was well enough to try again, and she acted really hurt when I told her I was going to rent a jackhammer to finish the job. She tries so hard to hide her soft heart.


  6. 11/13/06 3:24:44 pm ablecross (64.30.63.102) from VERMONT says soft hearts & well intenions

    Hi Jack,,I'm sure your good wife's heart is in the right place and she means well,,but I think your plans to rent a jackhammer is the way to go,,but if she ask's you to show her how to use it,,be wary,,many years ago,,I once made the mistake of trying to show my wife how to use a weed wacker,,at the time,,I had a full lenght beard,,I have'nt been able to grow one since,,everytime I try,,I look like a new wave punk,,too this day,,I can't take my shirt off in public without someone asking about all the lines on my chest,,I just say,,it's a birth mark,,do to the fact that my wife's parents gave birth to her,,,


  7. 11/23/06 11:23:07 am Jack Brannon (63.117.4.108) from WEST VIRGINIA says Giving Thanks

    Hi Ablecross,

    I have been having trouble with my PC and just got it fixed, after three trips to the shop. I was told it was old and outdated. I bought it about 6 years ago, and if that is too old and outdated, then I will continue to try and operate off an "antique." What does the PC industry think we are, anyway? A bunch of Rockefellers or Ted Turners?

    Now that I have that off my back, I will try and tell you all that I am thankful for this "Turkey Day." I am thankful for being able to get around and hunt and fish somewhat. I took a really bad fall in 1997 that could very easily have killed me or put me in a wheelchair for life.

    I am thankful that we still have a government that allows us freedom of speech somewhat, although I believe they are going overboard on their "political correctness" laws.

    I am thankful we were able to oust a mad man dictator in the form of Saddam Hussein, although I believe it should have been the United Nations that did it. Why even keep this bunch of do-nothings solvent when they do nothing that they are sworn to do. Isn't this the reason that S.E.A.T.O.was disbanded?

    I am thankful that we are still able to hunt and fish in this country, although the Good Lord knows that there are many organizations that are ever trying to get these American sports banned.

    I am thankful I have a wife that understands my joking. Otherwise I would have either been a divorcee or her a widow long ago. She is one great lady.

    And last but certainly not least. I am thankful that I was able to arise this morning and spend the day with my family.I might even be able to ride the 4-wheeler up on the hill to do a little stand deer hunting with two of my sons and my grandson, after we have "pigged out" on Turkey and trimmings. They will probably "still-hunt," but the "Old Man" will definitely sit.

    These are just a few of the many things I am thankful for, except I hope you have the greatest Thanksgiving ever, and many more to come.

    Jack Brannon


  8. 11/25/06 11:00:03 am ablecross (64.30.60.203) from VERMONT says Thanks Giving

    Hi Jack,,just got back from my Sister and Brotherinlaws house,,and yes,,I did have a great Thanksgiving,,,thank you,,I hope you and your's had one also,,all the things you mentioned,,I am also thankful for,,and your right on,,this is the greatest Country on the planet,,and I'm thankful that I live here,,I am also thankful that I have a computer,,for without it I would not have met a good friend with such a great sense of humor,,I hope you and yours have a great up coming Holiday Season with many more to follow,,,ablecross


  9. 11/28/06 12:12:18 am Jack Brannon (63.117.4.143) from WEST VIRGINIA says Thanksgiving Dinner

    This year, due to a situation beyond our control, we had to butcher our tame turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. Now we had had Old Tom for about 10 years, so he was really a big old bird, and I thought we would have plenty of leftovers to eat the next week. Not so.

    Just before we sat down to the table to get ready to eat, we heard a vehicle pull into our lane. We couldn't help but hear it since it had no muffler and rattled as if it were falling apart. I looked out the window and knew we would be lucky to get a smell of the turkey because I saw my in-laws, the Hoggs, coming in their old jalopy.

    There was the mother Sowa, the father Berkshire, and their twin daughters, Ima and Ura. Well,true to form, they weren't a bit bashful and sat right down to the table and started filling our plates. I say our plates because they were the ones we were going to eat from before they came. As it so happened, there were just 4 of us going to have dinner before they came and the table was set for 4.

    That turkey didn't make more than one pass around the table before old Berk was gnawing the breastbone like a dog. The tea, coffee and milk containers were soon empty too, and they started drinking the juice out of the pickle jar. The kids, Ima and Yura, said it tasted just like Kool-Aid.

    Anyway, as soon as they had eaten all our food they said they were going to visit some of Sowa's family because they were still hungry. As they left they said they would see us again next year but I said I wouldn't be there because I was planning to visit a fellow named ablecross that set a table fit for a King and all his Knights. They wanted to know where that was and I told them it was up in Vermont somewhere.

    You don't mind me telling them that, do you?


  10. 11/28/06 1:53:32 pm ablecross (64.30.60.78) from VERMONT says New Address

    Hi Jack,,Heck no,,I don't mind a bit,,but you'd better get holt of them,,cuzz we'uns have moved to Kanetuck,,we done moved up in Old Mogason Gap,,my aunt Melviney and uncle Naybob gave us an invite for the holydays,,we liked it so much we packed up and moved there the same day,,aunt Melviney just loves comny,,she said she would welcome them Hoggs with "loaded arms" if ya know what I mean,,she's a nice person,,but she don't take kindly to no one Hoggin down her vitals,,evin me and mine have to be careful when we eat at her place,,person could loose a hand right quick if you reach for stuff too many times,,my uncle Naybobs nick name is "lefty",,I've got kin that had to give up playin the piany for a lack of fingers,,so they took up playin the raido,,,my condolence on your loss of Old Tom,,we know what it like to loose a family member,,aunt Melviney had to put her mule down last Sunday come a week,,come to think of it,, that ham did seem a might stringy,,,


  11. 11/29/06 11:26:40 pm Jack brannon (63.117.4.153) from WEST VIRGINIA says I feel sorry for you, ablecross,

    but morgason Gap, Ky. is exactly where the Hoggs call home. Or somewhere in the vicinity, anyway. And I do believe I have heard them speak of a couple named Melviney and Naybob.Do you suppose these kin of yours are the same ones of whom they speak?

    Now, just to let you know what you are in for. Three years ago The Hoggs' came up to WV for the 4th of July shindig we always prepare. We had our usual 1000 pounds of bass that we had to fillet 2 of our big bass to get that amount from. The whole county thought we would have plenty of fish for a good patriotic fish fry until they saw the Hoggs start eating. As soon as they sat down and Old Sowa and Berk started cramming 5 pound fillets into their mouths, the call went out to catch more fish. Needless to say, the fish decided to not bite at that particular time and several people had to sacrifice their livestock so everyone would at least have something to eat.

    I tried to pretend I didn't know who these people were but Ima and Yuri nipped that one in the bud. They spied me between gulps and slurps and let everyone know we were "kin." It was amazing how they managed to alert everyone there to the fact that we were related while never letting their jaws relax from eating. But I guess they have had so much practice that it is not a problem to them.

    I wonder if that might be the reason I haven't had an invite to another patriotic picnic these last three years?


  12. 12/02/06 5:18:42 pm ablecross (64.30.63.186) from VERMONT says my mistake

    Sorry Jack,,did I say moved?,,I met to say "on the move"in our new motor home,,we only stayed at Aunt Melviney's for about an hour or two,,after we ate,,one of our yung-uns started actin all funny and sorts,,she started to kick things around,you could'nt next to her cause she would try to bite ya,,and she kept sayin,,hee haw,,hee haw,,I still say that ham was a mite stringy,,and the other kids,,why we could'nt get them to move at all,,we would pull on them and try to push them,,but to no avail,,they just stood right there,,took better part of an hour just to get them loaded up and on the road again,,we may have passed your kin folk on the way out of town,,I was hollerin at my girl Suuziee,,and when I did,, they all gave us quite a look,,like I was a hollerin it's supper time,,I sure hope they don't about and start to follow us,,my wife's not that good a driver,,one time I told her to step on it,,well,,it was all down hill from there,,,


  13. 12/05/06 12:03:34 am Jack Brannon (63.117.4.123) from WEST VIRGINIA says It's a good thing you didn't stay there in Kentuck.

    I heard the Hoggs just made it to the Churchhill Downs in Louisville when they were having a race. After seeing the horses run a couple of races, Old Berkshire made Sowa drink a quart mason jar full of his homemade paint remover he calls whiskey, climbed on her back, and they won every race until they were disqualified because Sowa was too ugly. The race board realized they had to do something before the spirit of horseracing was ruined forever.

    Sowa was in one of her romantic moods after the effects of the whisky wore off.She said she wanted to make mad passionate love to that fellow from Vermont. The biggest fault with her is she always leaves her dates with third degree whisker burns on about 90% of their bodies. The last fellow who suffered her passions had to have skin grafts. The old backwoods doctor that did the surgery took some of Berks whiskey as payment and grafted an old hound dogs skin to the fellow. Now the fellow has to wear a flea collar and sleep outside every spring because he sheds so bad. And his wife finally divorced him because he kept her awake scratching behind his ears with his foot, and sloppily licking himself all night.And to think you might have been caught up in their wicked ways if they had caught you in Kentuck.


  14. 12/16/06 8:06:43 pm ablecross (64.30.62.56) from VERMONT says horse race

    Funny you should mention horse raceing at Churchhill Downs,,the family and I thought we would give that a try,,and we won two races,,but as luck would have it,,it was the two that Berk and Sowa won,,and like you said,,they were disqualified and we had to return all the money we had won,,and as we were walking out of the place,,my wife noticed this "woman" makeing undue advances towards me,,needless to say,,my wife started to get realy mad,,but then she started to laugh,,I asked her what she was laughing at,,I said don't you think another "woman" could find me easy to look at,,she said,,it's not that,,she said,,look at her,,she is so ugly,,well,,old Sowa heard what my wife had said,,well it did'nt take long befor a fight broke out between my wife and old Sowa,,it went on for hours,,I did'nt know my wife could fight like that,,well would'nt you know it,,I started to get a little excited,,haveing two "women" fight over me,,even old Sowa started to look prety good,,but then they bumped into me,,knocking me to the ground where I struck my head on a rock,,then I got a real good look at old Sowa,,well I let out a scream that only dogs and other creatures could hear,,well it turns out old Sowa heard it and lit out for the high country with the rest of the family right behind her,,I don't think old Sowa will be getting any more crushes on this old boy from Vermont any time soon,,in a way I'm a little sad,,I was kinda looking forward to becoming part of the Brannon clan


  15. 12/17/06 12:31:52 am Jack Brannon (63.117.4.111) from WEST VIRGINIA says Brannon Clan

    I'm not sure you would want to become a member of the Brannon Clan. I am the only one of the bunch that can tell the truth, and that is by keeping a firm grip on my conscience. If I didn't keep control of myself, I would probably wind up lying like the rest of the fishermen I know.

    I have got my wife's Christmas presents already bought. I waited until the last minute last year and Wal-Mart was sold out of all the best fishing lures, so I had to get her some second rate ones. But I made up for it by getting the open face spinning reel I always wanted for her. She wanted to know why I bought fishing stuff for her since she didn't fish. I told her it was because I was worried that if there was another world depression and something happened to me, she would have some way to help feed herself. This year I bought her a new 12 gauge shotgun for the same reason. After all, she has to eat in the winter when the fish aren't biting too, doesn't she? That woman will never know how much I worry about her welfare.


  16. 12/19/06 11:45:16 am ablecross (64.30.60.92) from VERMONT says thoughfulness

    Your a thoughful person Jack Brannon,,I think the gifts you bought for your wife are an inspiration to the rest of the fishermen out there,,I for one am going to follow your lead,,I just hope my wife appreciates the thought behind it,,I just hope she does'nt get me a new dress for Christmas,,I'm not sure she knows my size


  17. 12/20/06 8:01:56 pm Jack Brannon (63.117.4.112) from WEST VIRGINIA says Isn't it a husband's duty to worry about his spouse,

    and to never put himself before her? I always thought so, anyway. That is why I always leave it to her to decide whether we take our vacation in the summer when the fish are biting or wait until fall when hunting season is in and we can go hunting. It makes no difference to me which she chooses either. Whichever she decides I force myself to act like I am satisfied with her decision.

    And I have even taken the time to teach her how to filet fish properly and skin the game we bag. And I never try to take this privelege away from her. This is a chore most husbands never bother to teach their wives, thus leaving them grossly ignorant to the satisfaction of knowing they prepared the complete wild game dinner themselves. Now that is very selfish on the husbands part, isn't it?


  18. 12/28/06 7:32:33 pm ablecross (64.30.63.190) from VERMONT says Sharp tools

    I envy you Jack Brannon,,a man so brave as put a sharp knife in his wifes hands and stand close enough to her to show her how to dress fish and game,,some day,, I hope to be that brave,,but I fear I may be to old to hunt or fish by that time,,I still have some bad memories of the times I put a hammer in my wifes hands and tried to show her how to build a fishing shanty so we could spend some quality time together ice fishing ,,the lump on my head never did go all the way down,,and I say"some" bad memories,,because I don't have the memory that I use to have,,what was I saying anyway,,oh yeah,, I was talking about ah ahh humm,,oh well,, I'll talk to ya later John


  19. 12/31/06 11:13:16 pm Jack Brannon (63.117.4.108) from WEST VIRGINIA says Sharp knives

    I am not so dumb that I would put a SHARP knife in my wife's hands. I made sure she wouldn't do me bodily harm by first running the skinning and filleting knives I bought her edge first across the bench grinder. When she made the remark that the knives weren't cutting very good, I simply told her that fish and deer had extremely tough skins, but perseverance and lots of muscle would do the job. She still beat me at skinning them.


  20. 1/13/07 11:44:53 am ablecross (64.30.61.65) from VERMONT says rules to live by

    That's a good rule of thumb Jack Brannon,,,but,,,What about the big Bass filets that I give to Charity each year,,I can't have my wife skinning them with a dull knife,,,the filets would spoil befor she gets them done,,besides,,they have to be cut up with a very big chain saw,,any advice would be greatly appreciated


  21. 1/24/07 01:39:43 am Jack Brannon (63.117.4.128) from WEST VIRGINIA says Filleting Bass

    Now I realize with the size Bass we catch, it is a ongoing problem getting them cleaned properly. If one doesn't fillet them just right, he won't get the tremendous flavor from them that we do. So I am going to describe how I taught my wife to do it so that nothing is lost.

    First, you have to spend a little initial money to get started, but you will never have to spend another penny afterward.

    Buy yourself one of the big chainsaws that they use out west with an 8 foot bar and chain. These are usually 2-man saws, but I mounted mine on the endloader on a Ford 8N tractor. I mounted it so the bar and chain lay horizonally to the ground.

    Now when I want to fillet one of my big Bass, I get my wife to take a smaller chain saw with a 4 foot bar and chain and make a cut down the center of each side of the fish. That way I can come by and guide her as she cuts an 8 foot fillet off each side of the center line with the tractor. That usually gives me 4-8 foot fillets off each fish I catch and she cleans. After catching and cleaning a few of these fish, I usually have enough for the big doings we have every Groundhogs Day.


  22. 1/24/07 0:24:44 pm ablecross (64.30.61.60) from VERMONT says casting arm

    Hi Jack,,,that all sounds pretty good,,but I don't have the money too put out for a tractor,,but I do have a friend that owns a 53 foot flat bed tractor trailer rig,,when I do catch a Bass small enough to fit on the bed of the truck,,my friend will bring it to my place where I have one of those big chain saws mounted permanently on a stand,,high enough off the ground to do the job,,we just start that thing up and he drives along it till the Bass is all feelayed,,hope I spelt that right,,,but here's my delema,,I'm getting on in years,,I hate to admit it but it's true,,I no longer want to take the chance of hurting my casting arm by pulling on the cord to start this thing,,because it pulls realy hard,,,I currently have my wife lifting weights,,mostly with her right arm,,so's she can start this thing come Spring,,but that's getting a little scary though,,you look at her from one side and she looks like Popeye,,but from the other side she looks Olive Oil,,now I was wondering,,,dose your's have an electric start or is it manual,,,


  23. 1/24/07 11:57:08 pm Jack Brannon (63.117.4.105) from WEST VIRGINIA says Filleting Fish and Old Age

    Yes, my chainsaw is an electric start.If it wasn't, it is so big I couldn't start it at all, even though we West Virginians never age as others do. A good example of our longevity is the experience I had once in my hometown. And I remember it still.

    I was strolling down main street one day when I chanced to spy an old, gray-haired man sitting on the street corner crying. I walked up to him and said, "Sir, what's wrong?" He replied, "Daddy whipped me." I asked him what his daddy had whipped him for, and he replied, "for throwing rocks at grandpa." So you see, we do live rather long lives.


  24. 2/13/07 7:47:41 pm ablecross (64.30.61.81) from VERMONT says speaking of longevity

    My Aunt Malawezze had a long gevity,,but fourtunely the opperation was a success,,and she no longer has it,,so us Vermonters are'nt known for our long gevity's,,but we are known for liveing for quite a spell,,my Aunt Maebelle was 103 when her and Uncle Naybob got hitched,,of course being that Uncle Naybob was a might older,,they did'nt produce many kids,actualy,,they were one of the smallest family's in our clan,,they only had nine kids,,the youngest one just got hitched and she wanted her dad to give her away,,but due to the affair he was haveing with a younger woman,,Aunt Maebelle won't allow him within 500 yards of the place,,by the way,,,,Aunt Maebelle's been a lookin for a new man,,might I mention West Verginny,,,,,


  25. 3/14/07 12:26:07 am Jack brannon (63.117.4.192) from WEST VIRGINIA says Longevity

    I'm afraid I will have to pass on being one of your aunt Maebelle's suitors. I was weaned from playing the field long ago.

    This sad tale started when I decided to go west as a young man. I eventually wound up on a Utah Mormon cattle ranch working for little more than my board, and that being a knotty one at that.

    Anyway, I was standing on a street corner in Salt Lake City one day when a little old tourist lady came up to me and asked if I was a mormon cowboy. I replied,"I am Mam." She then asked if I was one of those Mormon Cowboys that have seven wives. Wanting to have a little fun with the lady, I replied,"I am mam." She stepped back, looked at me and replied,"you should be hung," whereas I replied "mam, I am."

    When I got out of the hospital a week later, I decided to forget the wild west and go back to good old By God West Virginia where things were not so rough.


  26. 3/30/07 0:25:02 pm ablecross (64.30.60.79) from VERMONT says word choice's

    Mistake # 1 was when you decided to have a little fun with this little old lady,,your 2nd mistake was your choice of words,,,you have to be careful when you decide to have a little fun with them little old ladies,,and I speak from experience,,when I was a youngster growing up in the hills of Vermont,,I too thought I'd have a little fun with one of my neighbors,,she too being a little old lady,,but she had this big ole dog name of Rufus,,I don't know what kinda dog he was,,but he weighed near to 200 lbs,,and could out run a race horse,,but anyway,,one day I snuk over to Grany Smiths shack,,,went into the back shed and found her still,,so I poked at her with a stick,,that kinda upset her some,,she began to yellin at me,,and all that yellin woke up her dog,,but lucky for me I could run faster scared than he could mad,,I made it to a purty good size birch tree and scurried up it like a squrriel after a nut,,I had to sleep in that tree for ny on three days,,befor that mut went home,,the moral of the story,,let sleepin dogs ly,,and don't pick on hepless little old ladies


  27. 4/06/07 01:33:54 am Jack Brannon (63.117.4.106) from WEST VIRGINIA says Big,Mean Dogs

    When I was younger I heard this man had a fighting dog that he was betting couldn't be whipped. So I gathered up what money I had and took all $3.00 of it, leashed up my ugly yelow dog, and went to town.

    Well, I met this fellow in an alley, ready for any challengers that hadn't been taken before. We each gave our money to a bystander to hold and got ready to fight our dogs.

    The man started laughing when I drug my dog to the circle. He said he had never seen such a long, bob-tailed, short-legged, ugly dog in his life. And the fact that he was yellow in color made him really laugh. But his mirth was short lived because that yellow dog of mine ripped his great fighting dog to shreds.

    When I had collected my fortune of $6.00 he wanted to know what breed of dog he was. I told him before I cut off his tail and painted him yellow, I called him an alligator.

    So maybe that 200 pound dog wasn't, in fact, a dog at all,eh?


  28. 4/08/07 10:46:14 am ablecross (64.30.60.55) from VERMONT says come to think of it

    You could be right Jack,,now that I reckolect,,one day when I was over to that neghbors shack,,I remarked what an ugly lookin dog she had,,she replied,,"that's a crock"uummmm


  29. 5/12/07 01:40:55 am Jack Brannon (64.127.45.31) from WEST VIRGINIA says Bass Fishing and Turkey Hunting

    Ablecross, I haven't been online for awhile because I have had to take care of my two true loves. They can be exasperating sometimes, to say the least. One is very demanding and wears a fellow down to a frazzle, while the other is so peaceable and relaxing that one wonders why he even spends time with the other. But as the saying goes, it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks. So I guess I will continue to Turkey hunt and Bass fish until the day I die.


  30. 7/16/07 7:55:46 pm ablecross (64.30.63.57) from VERMONT says I know what you mean

    Hi Jack,,it's been awhile,,,same problem,,only just fishing,,,Pumpkinseed,,Perch,,Smallies,,,Largemouths,,,I've been so wraped up in fishing,,I forgot all about everything else,,,I guese that's why I'm devorced,,heh heh,,,


  31. 8/14/07 11:16:20 pm Jack Brannon (64.127.45.43) from says Divorced

    I, too, almost got divorced once. But I came to my senses before we got to the church and took off for the high timber. So I never got divorced because I never got married. So now I am able to cuss when I'm mad and scratch when I itch without anyone yelling at me and calling me uncouth.

    What's a couth, anyway?


  32. 9/11/07 11:14:27 pm ablecross (64.30.60.193) from VERMONT says couth with white wine

    Hi Jack,,I think I'm just the opisit,,I itch when I'm mad,,and I cuss when I itch,,as far as scrathing goes,,I'll leave that one alone,,a couth is somthing like a catfish,,realy good with a good white wine,,I would have thought any fisherman would know that,,and when some one says you'r un-couth,,that means you drink a lot of wine but you don't like fish,,


  33. 9/21/07 12:53:33 am Jack Brannon (64.127.45.20) from says White wine and catfish

    Now I don't know anything about white wine because I have never seen a white grape, but the red grapes we have down here is made into some of the best wine ever fermented. And it is never wasted on fish of any kind. It is usually used as a chaser for the white lightening we serve at our town meetings. And we never mix the two serious businesses of eating and drinking. Each is forced to be partaken singularly since one can hardly eat fifty or sixty pounds of catfish filets and still have room for much liquid of any kind.

    One ole' boy tried to do both one night and he had to excuse himself to go outside. The belch he let go with blew the door off the outhouse and the pressure from the other end deepened the toilet hole to the extent that they are still using the same location. And that was 25 years ago.

    So the town council passed an ordinance that there will be no more eating and drinking at any community dinners in the future.


  34. 1/12/08 10:08:53 pm ablecross (64.30.60.153) from VERMONT says lost in transition

    Hi Jack,,,sorry I've been gone so long,,but things have'nt been very good around me,,been divorced,,moved three times,,alot of my best friends have passed on to a better life,,and some are about too,,this is one of the few times I've even turned my computer on,,figured I'd better write something,,don't know if you've been wondering what's going on or what,,but anyway,,just thought I'd say hi,,I missed the story telling we had going,,,,,,,ablecross


  35. 2/02/08 12:55:15 am Jack Brannon (64.127.45.47) from says Your bad luck

    I'm sorry about your divorce and losing your friends. I can't believe the number of my school friends that have passed on in the last two or three years. I couldn't understand why we were passing on so fast because I didn't think we were that old until I saw a school friend that I hadn't seen for about 30 years.

    She didn't recognize me but I thought I did her, although I felt she must have been really sick to look as old as she did. So I went up to her and asked her if she attended my high school at a certain time. She said she had and I went on to tell her I thought I had recognized her and she wanted to know what subject I taught. Now that took the wind out of my sails pretty quick.

    The ice finally froze enough on the lake I fish here to go out on, so I went and set up my tip-ups and started jig fishing. Right away I started catching some really nice Bass, and since I hadn't had a good mess of fish all winter, I decided to keep a few to eat.

    When I got to the bank with the three fish I kept the ice collapsed in the middle, making the edges slope toward the middle at about a 17% grade. The fishermen that were still on the ice all slid toward the middle of the lake and had to be lifted off by helicopter. It seems that when I took the three fish out of the lake the water depth dropped about 15 feet, creating an air pocket under the ice that collapsed and created a vee, with the bottom of the vee in the middle of the lake. But it was not a complete disaster because the DNR set up and had bobsled races for the rest of the week.

    I hope things start looking up for you in the future. Keep you head up and the wind in your sails. Until the next time, I remain your friend,

    Truthful Jack


  36. 2/02/08 10:19:14 pm ablecross (64.30.60.86) from VERMONT says glad to hear from ya

    Hi Jack,,glad to hear from ya,,things get a little hard from time to time,,I guess we just have to keep the wind at our backs and keep plowing forward,,glad to hear your still fishing ,,you would think that people would learn to keep away from you when your fishing,,I'm surprised that no one has sued you for not putting up warning signs when you go out on the ice,,I had to pay for three shanty's last week,,cause one of the Perch that I hooked into broke through the ice and smashed into them,,lucky for me no one was in them at the time,,I had to sell part of the Perch to pay for them,,the rest I gave to the Salvation Army for a fish fry,,I think I'll wait for Spring befor I go fishing again,,


  37. 2/03/08 12:08:52 am Jack Brannon (64.127.45.58) from says I think they have learned

    I think they have learned to stay away from the lake when I am going to be fishing. Or, should I say they have learned to keep me away from any lake they are fishing because for three straight times I had gone to the lake I found several cars in the parking lot but a huge "Lake Closed" sign across the road leading to the parking lot. I figured if the lake was actually closed then there should not have been cars parked in the access area. So the next time I decided to go fishing I approached the parking lot at my usual slow pace, then accelerated to top speed when I knew they had spotted me approaching. Would you believe that the DNR officials were hurrying to put up the "lake closed" sign just as I got to them? I asked them what the reason was they were closing the lake at that time and they just said one word. YOU!

    Now I don't know about anyone else but that hurt me deeply. But not deeply enough to stop me fishing the lake, so I simply started borrowing a different vehicle from friends every time I decided to fish there. And so far I have managed to fish there 4 times, but am running out of friends that are trusting enough to loan me their cars, especially when I collapse their springs and shock absorbers by carrying all the huge bluegills and crappie I catch. But what the heck! They just don't make cars like the old Reo's and Lasalles anymore, do they?


  38. 2/04/08 11:40:23 pm ablecross (64.30.63.155) from VERMONT says don;t drive on

    I don't drive on the lakes anymore for that same reason,,I drop in with a small plane,,catch one small crappie,,hook onto it with the plane,,fly out,,I use a very long cable,,when these jokers see a flying fish and not the plane,,they tend to stay away from the lake,,


  39. 2/06/08 01:07:16 am Jack brannon (64.127.45.36) from says I too am a little nervous when I see something weird.

    And am also a little jumpy when I hear something out of the ordinary too.

    There is this old cemetery near where I live. There is a Civil War Captain buried there and on a moonlit night one can stand by his tombstone and ask him what he is doing down there and he will say "nothing." It is enough to freeze one to death from fright.


  40. 2/11/08 11:18:17 pm ablecross (64.30.60.152) from VERMONT says jig and pig

    ya,,when they don't answer you when your in a grave yard,,it can be a little scary,,I have a question for you,,do you ever use a jig and pig in the Winter? I tried it the other day,,got into alot of trouble,,I bought a 600 lb sow from Uncle Penn,,had a harnest made for her,,went to a welding shop,,had a hook made out of two inch wroght iron,,fastened a wrecking ball to it and headed to the lake,,the harnest went on with little trouble,,but when I tried to thread the hook through it,,the sow got a little worked up,,if you know what I mean,,apparntly I was rubbing her the wrong way,,if you know what I mean,,she kicked the side off my pickup,,took off on a run across the lake with the jig hooked to the harnest,,it broke through the ice,,made a heck of a trench,,when she hit land ,,it dug quite a trench there too,,it drained the lake of about two feet in depth,,alot of folks lost their shanties,,I gota pay for them,,I still don't know where my sow is,,I'm out over $400.00 for a jig and harnest,,if you hear anything about my sow I would appreaciate it if you would let me know,,or if you want,,you can try fishing with her,,just be careful not to rub her the wrong way,,you know how women are,,,


  41. 2/13/08 10:16:28 pm Jack Brannon (64.127.45.64) from says jig n pig

    I ice fished with a jig'n pig once but the pig started jigging so fast that she broke through the ice and drowned. I guess my "jiggin" music tempo was too fast for her weight.I sure do miss that pig. But I now go out with her sister but don't dare take her ice fishing because she is so fat that she doesn't have to do more than walk on the ice to break it all to pieces.She is one fat broad.


  42. 2/19/08 12:19:02 am ablecross (64.30.63.54) from VERMONT says wrong music

    Jack,,I would think a man with your experience would know better than to play music that fast with a pig on ice,,than to start dateing her sister,,be careful dateing that fat pig "no offence" she knows you killed her sister,,and they say "Pigs never forget" or is that Elephants that never forget,,well anyway,,one of them remembers alot,,I think,,what the heck was I talking about


  43. 2/20/08 03:21:42 am Jack Brannon (64.127.45.44) from says There's fat, and then there's fatty fat obese fat.

    And Fatty fat obese fat was what that gal's sister was. She was so fat that I once hugged her and got my arm caught in a wrinkle. Now that wouldn't have been so bad if someone hadn't yelled at her. But when she spun around to answer the person she jerked my arm out of it's socket and I had to have 3 operations to get it repaired.The doctors could only do so much with all the damage she did so now my left arm is about a foot longer than my right arm. I get a lot of curious stares when people see my left arm sticking a foot out of my shirt and coat sleeves but there seems to always be some good with the bad. Now I can reach almost halfway around Miss Piggy with my left arm. Isn't that nice?


  44. 2/21/08 10:18:43 pm ablecross (64.30.60.78) from VERMONT says bait casters

    hugging her is nice,,but,,when you use your bait caster,,it must be a little akward to reel in your bait with your left arm being a foot longer than your right,,I know it would be painful,,but,,if it was me ,,I'd probaly do the same to my right arm,,but then again,,your knuckles would drag the ground,,then the taunts would get realy hurtful,,it would be,,,hey monkey man,,want a banana,,and the likes of that,,too bad it was'nt the other way around,,just think of the distant you could get on a cast,,


  45. 2/25/08 11:28:58 pm Jack Brannon (64.127.45.89) from says Bait casters

    I have been practicing casting with my left hand for the last 3 months and must admit, I am getting pretty good at it. I have gained about 50 feet on every cast and sometimes even do better than that. I now have a problem of casting too far and getting snagged in the brush on the lake banks. So far I have snagged 2 box turtles, a dead crow and a pair of men's trousers that I was amply rewarded for the return of. Of course, for the amount of money the fellow paid me I had to agree that I never saw him without his pants on in the weeds at the lake at that particular time of day.

    So the fact that my left arm is so much longer than my right has paid off already and might come in handy later on too.


  46. 3/05/08 12:26:03 am ablecross (64.30.60.76) from VERMONT says ready for spring

    ya,,I should start to practis or is it es,,but anyway,,my vison aint what it used to be,,sometimes I see double double,,when I hear a fish break water,,I like to cast to it,,so I guess I'm going to have to stay away from the beach,,last year I snaged a top from a lady swimmer that I heard dive into the water,,I on the other hand was not rewarded as you were,,her boyfriend shot at me a couple of times,,lucky for me,,his eyesight was'nt any better than mine


  47. 3/10/08 01:27:05 am Jack Brannon (64.127.45.57) from says Practice makes perfect.

    Or is that perfect takes practice? Anyway, I am going to see this old Indian Doctor that lives back in the hills. I understand he can shrink parts of your body back to their normal size.I want him to shrink my left arm back to it's normal length because now my arm is so long that I find myself finding the bottom of my pocket where I keep my money. I have wound up paying the tab on three meals since I had my arm stretched and that is a record for me. Before, I was able to get out of paying at all because I could not seem to reach the bottom of the pocket where I keep my money.I thought about changing pockets but I keep my car keys in my right pocket and so far I have been able to fail to reach my car keys when my buddies and I drive to the fishing hole. And with the price of gasoline, it is cheaper to pay the restaurant tab than it is to buy gas to go fishing. But if I get my arm shrunk, I can go back to having trouble finding the depth of all my pockets.

    I sure hope none of my fishing buddies read these posts.


  48. 3/19/08 12:01:27 am ablecross (64.30.60.152) from VERMONT says be careful

    Be careful with those old Indians,,unless you speak their toung,you might end up with the wrong thing being shrunk,,if you know what I mean,,I went to an old Indian that used to live around the hills in Vermont,,I wanted my foot shrunk,,because my right foot was a little bigger than my left one,,well he shrunk my whole leg a little,,now I tend to walk in circles,,take's me quite awhile to just to walk a few feet,,so I took a few years and learned how to speak their toung,,but I did'nt want to take another chance with him,,I did bad mouth him a little,,so I was a little afraid what he might shrink next,,being as old as I am,,I can't afford to take any chance's


  49. 3/25/08 10:52:28 pm Jack Brannon (64.127.45.65) from says Shrinking Parts

    Now I will have to admit that one has to be extra careful when he starts having parts of his anatomy shrunk. I had a friend that spoke the old man's language that went with me. I thought he was a friend until I wound up with several parts of my body shrunk completely. I am now going by the name Jacqueline because he shrunk something I didn't want shrunk any smaller than it already was.


  50. 4/06/08 10:23:05 pm ablecross (64.30.63.65) from VERMONT says parts shrinking

    They say (who ever they are) that when you you get old,,that your whole body shrinks,,I think I may be getting old,,because certain parts of my body are starting to shrink,,I've got hair growing out of my ears,,my eyebrows are growing so fast,,most of the time I feel like a sheep dog,,it's beginning to interfear with my spellling,,I can't cast like I used to,,it's getting so that I can't put my worm in the right place,,or my jig,,I may have to take up fishing from the shore for pout,,know anyone looking to buy a few pout,,,,,


  51. 5/11/08 10:25:27 pm Jack Brannon (64.127.45.99) from says POUT

    I don't dare bring any more pout into my house.I brought several I had caught for my wife to clean for supper one night and I was pelted with pout for three hours. When she ran out of pout, she pouted because she didn't have any more pout to pelt me with. So you can see why I don't even try and catch pout anymore.


  52. 5/11/08 10:26:08 pm Jack Brannon (64.127.45.99) from says POUT

    I don't dare bring any more pout into my house.I brought several I had caught for my wife to clean for supper one night and I was pelted with pout for three hours. When she ran out of pout, she pouted because she didn't have any more pout to pelt me with. So you can see why I don't even try and catch pout anymore.


  53. 7/20/08 3:25:08 pm ablecross (64.30.60.95) from VERMONT says computer

    Hi Jack,,,sorry I have'nt been around for awhile,,my computer crashed,,just got a new one a couple of days ago,,have'nt quite learned how to use it yet,,it has the new Vista op. system on it,,,alot more to this one,,


  54. 9/17/08 11:10:21 pm Jack Brannon (64.127.45.74) from says I've Been Busy Searching

    ablecross, I've been busy searching for gold. I just got back from North Carolina where I found a little bit of the yellow stuff, and I am planning another trip to Ohio where I found a little flour gold earlier in the summer. But in NC I did get quite a few gems in some Ruby Mines I visited.I hope I can get enough Rubies big enough to make the eyes for a lure big enough to catch some good Bass.


  55. 9/19/08 07:10:52 am ablecross (64.30.60.174) from VERMONT says rubies,,gold and bass,,oh my

    Hi Jack,,,long time,,my friend,,,well the rubys sound good for the eyes,,but what are you gona do with all that gold,,it would be a little to heavy for a plug,,you could try making spinner bait blades with it,,just be careful who you let know about them,,if you don't find any rubys,head up to the far part of Alaska,,I went up there once and found both diamonds and gold,,I sent it to that place on TV,,where they say send us your old gold and jelwery,,still waiting to hear back from them,,,I did prety good in my club this year,,came in 2nd. missed angler of the year by about 3 lbs.,,,good luck in your quest for rubys,,,


  56. 12/06/08 11:09:34 am ablecross (71.169.159.232) from VERMONT says Hi Jack

    Hi Jack,,,Just stoped by to wish you and yours a very happy holiday season,,and a very great New Year,,,,ablecross




Post a Reply

Name / User:   
Password:      
Location:      
E-Mail:        
Subject:       
Picture URL:   
Comments: